Tag Archive for: life

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52-Card Pickup

“I’m terrified. Absolutely terrified. My whole life has become a cruel game of 52-card pickup. Every aspect of my life has been thrown in the air and I don’t know where they will land. I want to crawl in a hole and pretend that none of this is happening. It’s too much for me to handle. Everyone is asking if they can do anything and I don’t know what to tell them.”

This was one of my journal entries after I found out my husband had a cancerous tumor growing in his sinuses and up into his brain. I felt so lost, so overwhelmed. As words like “tumor”, “brain”, and “biopsy”, got thrown into the atmosphere of the doctors office that day, a sense of the surreal took over my world, and everything got fuzzy. In the space of a heartbeat I flipped through denial, anger, fear and back to denial again. Hearing my husband sob; glancing over and seeing his shoulders shake, ripped me from my fog and I realized this was far worse for him.

There are no winners in a cancer journey

But was it? Worse, I mean. That’s not a popular question, I know. Because obviously it was HIS head, HIS brain, HIS health that was threatened here, but it was MY most important relationship, MY family, and MY world that were threatened. as well. There are no winners in a cancer journey. There may be battles won and victories to be celebrated, but there are no winners.

My support system couldn’t be there for me but I could carry them with me

I turned to my family, my friends, my faith, and my journal. I bought a notebook and started writing out, by hand, every scripture that was sent to or spoken over us. I wrote down phrases of songs and poems that encouraged me. When I announced it on social media, I wrote down every comment from every friend and family member who responded. I printed out encouraging messages and taped them to the pages. I carried that journal with me everywhere. I added things daily and when I was at my low points I would pull it out and reread the support I was receiving.

My friends and family couldn’t be with me every moment, but with my journal I could carry them with me everywhere I went. Sometimes our support gets taken away in the most unfair moments. It’s in those times that we must draw from our inner strength and find ways to be our own support. My journal was mine; what is your secret weapon?

Did this post encourage you? If so, please leave a comment below. Also, if you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!

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The Pink Rocket Rides Again!

The Pink Rocket Rides Again

For those who don’t know, my best friend and fellow kayaker passed away unexpectedly two months ago. Her kids gave us her kayak, and as of today it’s riding in my truck ready to take others out on the water this summer.

Life doesn’t stop, not even for grief.

And what is life anyway?

Time. Life is time.

So if I waste time, I am wasting my life, and I don’t want to waste one more day.

if I waste time, I am wasting my life

I have goals and dreams that do not want to die with me and it is up to me to give them breath.

I talked last week about “what are you saying yes to”.

Did you make a list?

Why not?

what are you saying yes to

If you’re like me, and you’re not satisfied with wasting time (life) any longer, then stop what you are doing and make a list of all the things you want to be doing and accomplishing.

You have dreams inside you.

We all do.

Give them some breath.

Let them see the light of day.

Let’s go on an adventure!

Did this post encourage you? If so, please leave a comment below. Also, if you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!

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Badasses Rise Above

Life is really fucking hard!!!

Life is really fucking hard!!!

I got some heart breaking news today regarding the future of someone very close to me., and to be honest it brought me to my knees.

Now, granted, that doesn’t take much these days, being right on the heels of losing one of my best friends unexpectedly just two months ago.

So once again I find myself knocked down by life.

It happens.

To. Literally. Everyone.

Let me say that again. Every single person gets knocked down by life events.

The difference is how each one handles it.

What makes badasses, well, badasses, is that they get up and they rise above. They use the crap as motivation to fly higher.

And so yeah, I spent the day on my knees.

What makes badasses, well, badasses, is that they get up and they rise above

And now I’m getting up.

Now I’m moving forward with my passions, my purpose, my goals and my dreams

I’m trusting that God heard my prayers and that I can leave all that in His hands while I go and get my ass to work.

“You’ll see the light of day again my dear; let’s go on an adventure!”

Because there are still adventures to be had.

There are hearts to touch.

There are lives to inspire.

“You’ll see the light of day again my dear; let’s go on an adventure!”

Did this post encourage you? If so, please leave a comment below. Also, if you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!

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Cleaning Out

I’m a fairly task-oriented person. Even when I’m doing something people-focused, it’s still a task in my head. I like systems, logic, and organization.

When I organize something, I have a very particular way I like to do it. First I empty the thing out completely. It doesn’t matter if it’s a drawer, a closet, or a room. Everything goes.

When I have it down to the bare basics, the things that have to and will stay no matter what, then I take a look at what I’m dealing with. One by one I determine what goes back in that space, starting with the most important things. Once I have everything I want back in, then I dispose of whatever was left out.

Everything goes

Well, back in 2017 I cleaned out the closet that was my life.

I had just been to my doctor to see if I could either increase my anti-depressant dose or try a different one.

Just a few days prior, I had been driving down the highway, at a cruising speed of around 67, when I noticed a big old rig coming my direction in the other lane. I had the thought that if I just jerked my steering wheel a little bit to the left, maybe it would end quickly.

Well, as soon as I realized what kind of thought had crossed my mind, I knew I needed help. And so I found myself sitting in the doctor’s office, waiting for his answer.

I knew I needed help

What he said to me changed my life. He told me that no amount of anti-depressant would help me because the problem wasn’t a chemical imbalance in my brain, it was everything that was happening to me and around me.

I remember driving home and thinking, well, what is the point of taking any anti-depressants at all then? Now, I absolutely do NOT recommend doing what I did. It was the dumbest possible way to get off anti-depressants. Did I talk to my doctor and make a plan? No. Did I wean myself off of them? No, I didn’t do that either. I just stopped taking them. Lucky for me I didn’t have any crazy ass effects from it. Or did I…?

A few weeks later I was struggling. Anti-depressants or not, my life was a shit show and if I wasn’t managing it well ON the drugs, I sure as hell wasn’t doing a good job off the drugs.

if I wasn’t managing life well ON anti-depressants, I sure as hell wasn’t doing a good job off them

Anyway, it was a friend’s birthday. I made the plan to join her and our group of friends for a celebration at a bar in the nearby city. Afterwards I would go to another friend’s house and stay there for a few nights while I got my head on straight.  Well, those “few nights” ended up in me cleaning out my life the same way I clean out a closet. I threw everything out and started over.

Did this post encourage you? If so, please leave a comment below. Also, if you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!

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Reflect Forward

Reflect Forward

Reflect Forward

My brother recently went through a major life change and as he did, he said something profound. He said that what once was, is no longer, and what is, is not good. That got me to thinking that in order to move forward in life, sometimes one must pause and reflect on what has been. Things change. People change. Situations change.

Perhaps what once was in your life is no longer. And perhaps what is, is good. Perhaps it is not. Pause. Reflect. And then keep moving forward.

Did this post encourage you? If so, please leave a comment below. Also, if you enjoyed this post, I’d be very grateful if you’d help it spread by emailing it to a friend, or sharing it on Twitter or Facebook. Thank you!

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